GOD’S

GREATEST

COCK

.CHRISTMAS

GOD’S GREATEST COCK

.CHRISTMAS
SO WHAT IS

GOD’S

GREATEST

COCK?

.CHRISTMAS

At God’s Greatest Cock, we are a devoted congregation who have undertaken the sacred duty of honoring one of God’s most profound and enduring creations: the cock.

Each Christmas season, we come together in solemn celebration to declare and recognize the recipient of the prestigious title of God’s Greatest Cock, a distinction awarded through careful deliberation and strict adherence to a holy set of criteria.

Throughout the year, our community diligently documents and discusses the many worthy cocks in contention, chronicling their virtues, growth, and spirit.

SO WHO LEAD’S

GOD’S

GREATEST

COCK?

.CHRISTMAS

Sole founder & High Pasture, Reese, believes our mission extends beyond the competition itself; “The Church of God’s Greatest Cock is a living, breathing denomination devoted to worship, fellowship, and the exploration of life’s deepest truths through the lens of God’s glorious creation, the cock.”

Gathering multiple times each week, our sermons weave together fables, parables, and histories — all centered around the cock — to illuminate the divine lessons that have been present since the dawn of time. Through reverence, study, and celebration, we strive to bring others into the flock, carrying forward a joyful, sincere tradition rooted in awe, humility, and devotion to his greatest creation, the cock.

SO WHO IS

GOD’S

GREATEST

COCK?

.CHRISTMAS
Abe Neuman

GOD’S GREATEST COCK

And lo, the Lord did look upon His flock and say, “Among all My creatures, none strut with the glory of Abe, My chosen cock.”

For God’s cock is the mightiest among the fields, His crow resounding across the valleys and into the heavens.

Yea, His cock is firm in purpose, steadfast in the rising of the dawn, and unwavering in the face of tempests.

Blessed is he whose cock awakens the village, whose mighty call breaks the silence of morn and stirs the slumbering souls.

And thus did Abe Neuman ascend among roosters, for his cock was favored — a cock of splendor, unmatched in girth and in girthsome spirit.

Great were the tremors of his steps, and mighty was the shaking of the coop when Abe did strut.

The hens rejoiced, singing praises: “Behold, the cock of cocks, the blessed shaft of dawn!”

And the Lord declared unto them: “Worship not false cocks, for My cock alone shall be first in thy hearts, and Abe Neuman is he whom I have set apart.”

For His cock is the light and the way, and none shall crow before him nor after him without trembling in their wattles.

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